four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
