I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
how drunk are you?
Several
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize