I want to walk on stilts...naked
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
