can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
