So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
