he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
