They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
