The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
