You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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