sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
