I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
