Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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