You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
