i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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