I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
