your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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