do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
