you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
