haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
