she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
