Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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