if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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