it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
