She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
