Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
