At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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