he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
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