He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
