trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
