You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Vodka?
Forever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
