dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
