the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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