when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
