it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
