Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
