i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
