So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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