u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
