can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
