I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
