i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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