This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
