yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
