69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
how does that bad decision feel?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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