we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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