And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
