Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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