we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
