are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
