I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
