He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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