I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
