I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
