we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my shit smells like andre
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
