i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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