If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
