I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I enjoy the company of your penis
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
