He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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