Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
