it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
