They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
