wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
