It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A bitchslap is in order.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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