I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
