when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
