apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So much rum. So many feels.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
