My sheets look like a crime scene.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
