Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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