even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
