I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
