Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
