Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
