We won't sleep together?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
