Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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