I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She bit a glass in half.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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