I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
