Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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